In the lushlands and the hell of relationship

Today was a lush day in the Norwegian mountains staying right next to a pounding waterfall with iredecent green forest and ancient talking stones. I have played like a child screaming, naked and newly washed and restored under these lifegiving icecold waterfalls.My daughter would have a fit because your mother is not supposed to be naked she is supposed to have nice normal repactableness like other mothers .I feel so clean and blessed to stay in these mountains in an awesome cabin graciously provided by my dear friends.

Today was a lush day in the Norwegian mountains staying right next to a pounding waterfall with iredecent green forest and ancient talking stones. I have played like a child screaming, naked and newly washed and restored under these lifegiving icecold waterfalls.My daughter would have a fit because your mother is not supposed to be naked she is supposed to have nice normal repactableness like other mothers
.I feel so clean and blessed to stay in these mountains in an awesome cabin graciously provided by my dear friends.

Talking of stones a deep theme of throwing stones at one another has been a constant theme last 24 hours sitting with dear ones in relationship.”you control me and I contract” “you are aggressive so I am defensive”, “You don’t see me”,’You don’t listen to me” ”I cannot feel your love” “I don’t feel love for myself”, Conscious devoted lovers who know the love is there in a deeper place but right now a living hell, no rest just exhaustion from the struggle.
Peru what do you see? The question of 2 who now stuck in the same old cycle. Now I know I have had to suffer through the perfect triggers that attracted me to the man who not only loved me but could also destroy me or destroy all the nasty patterns. Now whether I am destroyed or the patterns depends on surrendering to something deeper than a personal love. The closer you get to the core of the perfectly designed destruction of your mirroring patterns the hotter hell gets.
We get so addicted spending time together because in the beginning it was intoxicating pleasure, couldn’t get enough but once those nasties kick in asserting themselves at any opportunity this type of intoxicating pull becomes a memory of what we once felt and though the juice has dried up into a shrivelled prune ,it still has some life in it but the full nourishing aliveness is gone.Hmmmmmm how to break open this cage .
There is a point where words will no longer serve where once you tried to express your dissatisfaction and he or she listened attentively, considerately now he or she jumps in before the sentence is finished with his or her position.There is a point between 2 lovers when the answer cannot be found in words.For when two minds do battle nobody wins
So where is the answer to this somewhat global condition between man and woman.
There is a place to be reached where silence speaks .But not a silence of aloofness or resignation but silence of meeting yourself inside.If regularly a space in the day I go and be with myself for a time not doing but just being… whatever it is that truly reminds me of who I am then there is space more space within,more harmony where I can meet my partner in that silence.
So when we would normally drop into a superbly reasonable and righteous argument we stop and just meet eyes to eyes in the silence.
When I am in love with myself with the earth with existence how much easier it is to love the other with all his or her imperfections.It is self nourishment that allows me to nourish another.Just 30 mins or 1 hr in a day can change the entire way I relate .
So easy to see when you are not the one burning in the firepit of relationship.My love to all lovers…………………………………………………

Earthwoman calling retreat Amsterdam July 16-18

ocean ,ectsacy and spiritual milk

Such beauty on our journey through the hedgerows of Sommerset and as we crested the hill there she was the jagged ocean cliffs and an old castle beckoning us .Winding the country lanes to find a way to the sea we travelled on foot running through the grassy pathways to keep warm from the wild winds.
We had arrived in rocky nook crafted with smooth stones formed like a grid receiving the waves that were grey, muddy, souplike that threatened to consume you should you offer more than your toes.
Praful happy like a child at the waters edge and me enticed by a cave up on the cliff face.
I climbed in and fell into silence, her primal song pounded the waters below into the rock wall, tumbling large stones creating such a depth such an ectsacy I began to dissolve.Aware of how, many years before as young ambitious woman she had called me the same way with her ancient song.Singing on the rocky waters edge I had fallen into a deep reverence and had felt her calling me, only then I was hungry to hear her to know her but I could not fully feeeel her then.There was a knowing that dropped my forehead to the ground and made me pledge my life, my song to her. Naive and hungry, the world around me felt disconnected and I was tired of singing to an audience that just seemed to want to be entertained . I had played the game long enough. I needed to know how?Who would teach me, could she ,this unamable energy I was connecting with through the waves and the stones how could she teach me.
Deeper and louder pouring inside my being washing ecstatically through my body.... an awareness of "its time to leave this cave sprang in me". Suddenly aware that the waves were lapping higher against the cliff wall Prafuls jacket placed half way up the wall was now wet and his shoes had been sucked into the ocean.Crying out to her to give Praful his shoes back she washed them back to him for surely his shoes were not a tasty addition to this primal soup.

I missed my plane on my way to Norway,just cant seem to stay on top of moving in time , but there was perfection in my delay.I was blessed to share some time in the deep with a dear woman recently discovered with breast cancer.She was afraid of hospitals doctors who she had decided to allow the umps to be removed.So I suggested she see all people doctors nurses as being the loving mother there to serve her back to wholeness and health ,that if she could stay in her love she would draw just the right people who would reflect that love back to her.

It is such a shock for any of us to discover something created by our body is ravaging us.In women it especially rages in her most sensual centers the womb the yoni the breast.A reflection of the rage of using this potent life giving energy that is her creative love to create the insidious industries of business,war. A reflection of how as women we have comprised our essential nature of love for some outside external love because we are so hungry to know it from within but have not been shown how to stay true,be patient instead of settling for something or someone that is not grounded in love. How we use that innocent life force of sexuality to gain esteem,power money.Meanwhile many women grow sick and maybe it is the mother's way of calling her back to the source of herself.

The breast are largely not understood beyond breast feeding and a surface passion to nourish a lover.But this extraordinary creation was fashioned so the spiritual milk /energy of the comos could not only feed a baby on every level but also man thoughout his life .If he could find innocence and holiness as well as raw passion to drink from her breasts regularly her breast would be nourished ,he woud be deeply nourished.We unfortunately get stuck in just the physical image of the breast and its beauty or sexualised image and miss the whole purpose of this magnificient creation. Oh I have raved enough time to go and attempt to catch my flight again, xxxall my love

Are you listening?

I have been treated like a queen ,just done a deep concert as part of a Tantra Retreat here in the south of England.Rolling hills massive old trees pouring with personality in this exquisite retreat center -Croydon Hall.

It was a wonderful concert because there was an audience of couples just in bliss and pouring with the knowing of love ,meditation retreaters introspective and people from the larger community some of whom were closed and tight in their bodies yet somehow we all fell into to the silence together and in the end everybody danced.Such a joy

Then after there is the pack down an hour of leads winding all the stuff you wish you had a roadie for.

The Tantra teacher Sarita very devoted to the true nature of Tantra.

Praful( my musical partner) and I had an inspiration to record a single cd of our new song "here I am beloved" whilst we were in the hot tub .... see what I mean we were spoilt.But of course ife moves in cycles so we are at the moment in riches next moment could be rags ,you never know how life will twist or turn around the next corner so we are just so grateful for a moment of decadence.

Being with Praful on the road I find myself amongst many sanyasins and the presence of Osho the great and decandant Guru of truth and celebration is never far away in fact he was on stage last night with us Praful pulled out a few words spoken by Osho about the fact "you appear to be listening but you dont listen...........because listening needs a tremendous sensitivity .... you should hear from every cell of your body, from yours eyes ,from the souls of your feet from every hair...."Just as he hit the on button on his lap top to play the quote to tenderly weave it in over a pad with his flute my computer and sound crashed..... his computer went into a time warp so Osho was speaking so slowly.In reflection it was just one of those funny moments where Osho was speaking of true listening and there we were distracted sorting out technical chaos just for an instant.

I dont really mind who the speaker of truth is when truth speaks it doesnt matter whos mouth it comes from it is a great blessing and touches me

I just love the paradoxes and learnings that happen on stage such a constant giving into what the moment presents.

Went to sleep with my sweet daughters voice in my ears over the skype phone..I love you mum.

Next leg of the journey is scandanavia, and I love being amongst these people there is such a hunger for the beloved for truth and Norwegian strawberries and swedish forests ahhhh blessed

Loving being here............

The journey of the singing woman

Here I am in rainy cold England ,the woods are lush and full of mystery. Flowers and fresh Garlic and the streams are flowing in an ecstatic spring pleasure and I have been drunk on their fecund gift.Yesterday we found an egg in the base roots of a mossy trunk such a sweet little reminder of new life.Thats whats inspired me to write a blog .Everyday so much to share and I love so many people but I am on the road so much life is passing by and I just want to share my crazy life much more than ever before.

Last night was my women's chant workshop in Glastonbury and I am always reminded in England how repressed and apologetic the women are about their sensuality.

A question arose about the spiritual world and sexuality and the shame of longing for love making ,desire...there is such confusion around the yogi celibacy path in lots of women. There is a sense of shame and guilt about her longing for love and lovemaking. On one level these elightened master Yogis have brought such extraordinary blessings to the earth and on the other hand made a mess for us women.

The Mother creatress didnt make a mistake designing our body this way and the very yoni design is a doorway to liberation, realisation,union and birth.I am so greatful to have this womanly body it is a priveledge to bleed (just finished), to experience this open ecstacy.

I got taught a good lesson the other night in my concert I was joking about becoming a reclusive celibate yogi finding a cosy cave in the himalayas somewhere to spend the rest of my life coz I had already experienced tantric union and Praful(my music partner) jumped in and said "coz she hasnt met anyone who can match her and she's giving up". A dear woman came later from the audience and said she was sad for me that surely there must be some man ....I had really just been silly I wasnt serious at all and assured her I had been matched and loved all the way home to the source. God I have to be careful with what I say even in jest.

My sister Lisa has taken such good care of me here and she has even stuck through our midday sessions of singing together I worked her voice hard and she cried lots as her weak lungs heaved under the pressure of being used deeply,she's driven well into the night between events to get me home ,I am so blessed to have sisters like this I pray she grows well and strong coz she has so much love inside her.

Hmm 2 am bedtime