things that heal

At last a moment to write. I am in the heat of Praful's roof studio sweat lodge, it is at least 30something degrees and the computer has just crashed as we near the end of recording this single 'naked before you beloved'.The time schedule is tight and a day at the beach is not in our reach right now.But the music is feeding us.As we draw closer to the end technology always reflects when we are now pushing oursleves a little too much,but 2 capricorns together thats 4 horns and alot of driving passion to get to the top of the mountain

I just had the most beautiful 3 day retreat with the women.Beautiful stone circle to sing in.I have watched the unfolding of these exquisite women.The unravelling of massive conditioning that says as one sister said in the beginning 'nice girls dont do this...'Something daddy nicely put into her body that has made a mess of her trusting her own sensuality her innocent beauty and expression.Her mouth is tightly closed her mind stuck in all the business of life and her heart aching for love.

I am priveledged to see a woman unravel herself into an openess a sensuality a stillness that is so radiant.I am priveledged to shed many tears with my sisters as the lies rise to the surface of the body ,contorting and twisting and roaring as they are freed from within.I watch in awe as the mother does that unamable thing she does with each one of us.

I am touched when she finds the courage to step in to her self doubt and courageously sing the very unique song of her being.Children do it all the time but when we lose it and it gets covered in shame and not enoughness when she pierces through that doubt I my heart is bursting.

I dont ever get that sense of oh I have done this before for when the moment is naked and vunerable everything is bending near to listen and to respond.I discovered that when I stopped singing for humans and just sang for creation, for the trees the stones ,the birds the water.Creation always responds to that kind of nakedness.

A mother had just miscarried her child and shut her body her heart her whole being was on hold so she could not be fuly present.But when she sang that utter grief from the bottom of belly from the depths of her pain her wailing stirred the wind in such a tender way that it answered her back with the same wailing melody and then went silent again.Such beauty creation is always relating to the true calling of a being.

My health and energy has restored from taking an amazing liquid called MMS not to be mistaken with MSN.If u have the time check this out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGjUp1zoov8&feature=related or download first half of book for free go to www.miraclemineral.org/it has been used to treat Malaria,aids cancer all forms of pathogen,viral yeast,fungal conditions very successfully. The guy who discovered it is truly an honest human who has a remedy that could cure most of Afica ridden with illness but will the pharmecuetical companies let him have an impact. No way................

Check it out for me alot of pain has gone out of my shoulders and my organs feel different.Energy is higher and I feel it killing the Candida in my belly. But it isnt pleasant to take but I have never experienced anything instanatly attacking pathogens in my body.Awesome.

Back to studi computer is humming our tune again

All my love

passion has many faces but all reflect the source

It is the eve of Holland' big moment in the soccer finals and the whole city has turned orange. I mean there are some seriously creative outfits here not just orange t-shirts we are talking orange creature costumes wild hats fluffy orange feather bowers and all sorts.I went to the supremarket and the charge of the anticipation as as myriads of people buy their chips and beers getting ready is filling the air.Already these funny elephant honky horns are sounding in the streets.I was at dinner with my sister Vimal in the town square when the semi final game with Holland and cant remember who but there was so much wild passion pumping in the air whenever a goal was scored 10.000,0000 volts of shakti energy went thru Vimal and I . I mean it was fantastic to see people so alive with so much passion all singing and all dancing.

We are truly a funny race, if this much unified energy was directed toward something of a more creative energy what a powerful creation that would be.We are totally mad.Instead it goes toward football .Not that there is anything wrong with that .So I am joining the celebration by drinking some bright orange carrot juice .... I am supporting holland quietly on the inside.

Beautiful to sit with the women in the Temple of the Body workshop.We were on some exquisite land that had so much love poured into it filled with flowers and trees my sisters parents had consciously been developing these Gardens and land for 16 years.

We created a beautiful space lushed with saris in a tipi in the woods,giving the space to be totally free with opening the body up.The trees celebrating with us .So much doubt and contraction in the heart and breasts and numbness in womb and yoni ..and for those starting to open a real fear of shining in full embodiment for fear of making other women feel lesser than .Fear that there just arent men who are really commited to a deeper way of living in a vital awake love.I can only keep reminding women that how we live, how truely we give and are willing to keep purifying our bodies through deep honesty and intimacy with the earth and ourselves that any man we are with will be directly touched and opened by that.Not by following a spiritual philosophy but by the way we love ourselves and keep our feminine fragrance fresh with our own inner communion.

It is incredible how this refective reality works with our relationship to love.A sister who had suffered abuse and had a deep mistrust of man , a beautiful woman, but man constantly reflected back to her ugliness and using her for sex.Obscenity that is so painful but as she changes her relationship to love within herself and then to man ,a different reality gets reflected back.This is such a journey to come into wholeness and can only unfold with my readiness and thirst for wholeness.I just am touched by the courage of a human being to keep calling for love when the road has been harsh and the experience ugly thank goodness there is an eternal love pulling us home to the source.

Passion flower of the human heart

All my love

wisdom of children

Body is tired but I am inspired.Preparing the new track in the studio today.So much is happening all at once feeling a litte overwhelmed but then holland is one of those paces whee there is so little nature that people are incredibly creative so it is a great place to manifest all your dreams below sea level.
It is funny some of our most beautiful music has come out of Prafuls studio but his house is nestled sweetly between a big furniture store and a supermarket.They have tiny green back garden which is such a space of love if it werent for the heaving trucks cars and moterbikes you could almost think you were in the wild.
My daughter has been so funny too beautiful and challenging.She is in New Mexico, her father is very close to death and she is having great fearful wake ups in the night because she fears being abducted.Now when I was 11yrs aliens were not something you sat in the toilet and read about except maybe comic books.I have endeavoured to keep her in innocence as long as I can knowing childhood is precious but she has a father who is a medicine man and has raised his kids shooting,sword fighting and al manner of altered perspectives on all manner of life past and future.Yes she chose her parents,what a bag a medicine man and me.So at 12,000 miles I am trying to help quiten her mind.She says to me mum I know its my mind but I just cant stop it in the darkness.I said to her it takes quite some years to master your mind and not to give up.So she asks have I mastered mine and I say yes in many areas but not all.She asks what is one area you have not mastered I say self doubt and she syas well I can really understand why you have not mastered that one yet. I just love communicating with my sweetheart she is so real and courageous and honest, I hope she never loses this.I have to rest I havent been to bed before 2 am for ages poor organs need a rest.All my love

gratitude overwhelms exhaustion

After leaving Copenhagen and my phone I have flewn to my other home in Amstredam in Praful and Vimal's beautiful love home today.Praful is wrecked after the tour and it is time for some well earned rest before we hit the studio to make our new single,hereI am Beloved.

It is good to be in one place for a while and Amsterdam is filled with inspired amazing community which has congregated around the Open Up Festival .Awesome Festival for all lovers of truth,lovers of love , good music deep sharing and great for kids.

I was feeling so exhausted after 5 weeks touring this morning and just when I feeling very tender and vunerable. Not an uncommon state too post workshop for all the holding on in woman runs through me post workshop, I have just learnt not to identify with it as athough we are one woman transforming the pain is not mine personally but still when I am tired fromtravel it is not paricuarly comfortable as it passes through my body.

When I am in that state the Mother often sends me a little gift to remind me not to take anything for granted.The gift was a beautiful note from a woman who had been in a deep workshop with me in Stavanger so I thought I would share it for it is not just about my experience of what it is to walk around this Planet as an open woman but what my sisters are opening into too so here it is Thankyou so much Julie......

Here it is

"First of all I would like to say it started at the concert. Your song with the river just took me so deep. I wasnt aware of that your music were able to touch me so deep and take me to a totally new place inside.At the workshop it started when you were taking us in to our bodies. I felt it very clearly how I went down trough my througth..my chest..stomage..And when I came to the womb I met this sharp pain,like a strong contraction and I thought to myself that this I have met a thousand of times before.Feeling sad that it still was there I decided that I would try too breath myself through it.....And then it happened. I felt my birthchannel opening just like when your having a baby and I saw to hands(I think they were my own) receving a golden ball. So I was giving birth to a golden ball...then my mind were telling me that now you have completely lost it:)But I decided that I wanted to see more.....and then I saw this golden ball transform into mother earth...and tears just filled my eyes.I didnt fully understand what was taking place in me at that time and mabye I still dont..but I know that my body never lies and that the days after the workshop had contractions like you have after giving birth. I remembered how it felt when it was there.Actually I have felt like an open cathedral afterwars and much more open in my lovemaking with my man:)So this woman has in some way experienced giving birth to mother earth.....and experienced that my body is the universe:)))That is just sooo beatiful and I am so greatful to you who holds this space for me and all of my sisters:)I hope this will inspire you in your lovely sacred work and I want to share with you what you mirror to us smells like gold."

It is time to rest all my Love and gratitude to life for I have a good bed to sleep in and dear family and my daughter is having a ball in Newmexico going to Pow wows and Rodeos.

Bleeding singing and loving

Travelling from sweden to Copenhagen through towns and forest I have spent the day in deep ecstacy.

To preserve myself I was going to write about something a little less intimate but my calling to transparent honesty asks me to share very direct experience which is extremely vunerable yet I am a foolish woman who cant help but be intimate.

In my preparation for my copenhagen concert I felt that heavy pull of my womb to bleed , and I was totally exhausted but need ing to find reserves,the blessing was all these amazing people arrived to set the concert leaving me free to drop into my now bleeding womb into the blackness inside my body . From that nothingness I reemerged refreshed and tenderly open.However so deep in that I knew I was in the chaos so I dropped a glass of water over and near my laptop forgot my power cable for my computer losing all sound in the 3 rd song which left praful with a long long flute solo whilst I discretely got my adapter and reset my sound but it all happened with grace .Amazing.Always my body bleeds when I have a concert or a workshop as if the very gift of that kind of open vunerability is the mother's orchestration.So I have learnt to surrender even speak of it . It is such a hidden thing when a woman is bleeding she doesnt share it much accept with a sister or 2 and maybe her lover but if we dont start sharing how are thses men ever going to get over being afraid of it or looking negatively at it or perhaps even helplessly.

When I was a young woman I suffered enormous pain for it was the mother's way of reconnecting me to my body to bring me down and out of my mind. I mean it was agony my ligaments got so loose mty hips moved around bringing siatica and strong cramping, but as I learnt to rest and be stiller and sit with the earth the pain lessened.

Now my body celebrates because the opening up of the cervix is so potent that the universe is open in my body the door is open and I fall down into the earth I fall into the blackness inside the womb into this vastness. I see and feel and heal anything that has moved out of balance and alignment in that month. I am so creative with song and I am really quite outside of the world and time so of course giving a concert from that place is raw....but beautiful and potent

But the most intimate thing I want to share is the power of love making in this bleeding.

Now many women are afraid that it hurts or that this is just their time and of course that may be true for a woman too but I just want offer my experience of making love whilst bleeding.

This is a time for total tender listening when the penis meets the frequency of this open ripe plump oozing cervix. Frequency is strong in the meeting so it is a delicate thing that requires the utmost attention but because I am so open inside like the crack or door of the cosmos open then little movement creates enormous opening.For me I trusted the man I was loving or of course he would not be anywhere near me in such vunerability,surrender and breathing that meeting point starts to dissolve the doorway completely so there is no more doorway and no more penis just one black space that he and i fall into.How deep the dissolving depends on whether the mind is engaged or not.Especially in the man.I cant express beyond the dissolving because there is nothing left of me to say except that from there I am reborn.

A new concsious resonanceof love is vitalised in every cell.Such is the experience of make love on my bleed so I am just encouraging this ancient ritual to be reignited in the bedroom of man and woman and if you have had extraordinary experiences please share. Tommorrow a women's workshop in the Dakini Institute in Copenhagen,All my love

Raw longing and trusting love

It has taken a little time digesting before writing again , I have met so many people and met with so much raw longing and the same great fear to love, this constant confused messaging to the beloved (the eternal One).I have been in Angsbacka singles festival over midsummer and full moon.I sat in a space of women where I recognised such dense bodies that the feminine fragrance is almost strangled from lack of self worth, living in the mind,being too masculine or just simply hiding from being seen.Yet when asked the question who is calling for love,most hands went up and who is calling for absolute love almost all hands went up.

Is absolute love possible if I dont know love in myself ... we cycle through being alone .... the challenge is to keep opening deeper and deeper to the inner love instead of getting more closed just because there is no physical beloved.To give ourselves to ourselves to the earth.I madly encourage all those who meditate to go and hold a tree as if it were your lover ... to feel the tree in your body and to give so much tender passion to that tree,to breathe in its unique scent right down into your stomach,to open yourself and see what happens.Now I heard a fact in the festival that women in Austria were arrested for making love to trees from 1896 on.

How to really connect with your love and loving through nature is one of the best kept secrets,but I assure you that the deeper connected you are to nature the greater the love when you actually make love with a human body. Are you are willing to totally love no matter what it costs you.

Love costs you everything it is the surest way to self annihalation and I am so greatful it happened to me.

We performed a ceremony which was sweet as a symbolic ceremony of the lingham and the yoni coming together in union but that still felt like something outside.The greatest ceremony on this earth is when the bodies meet in stillness and touch so that touch goes all the way through the flesh to the being.Beautifully the festival concluded with a tender ceremony of touch not sexual but deeply lovingly tender encouraging the body to trust love for the mind cannot be convinced or coerced.

Beautiful beautiful concert with such an open ecstatic audience, Praful wanted to kill me at the end because I forgot the chords to his gorgeous song so I have to work on that one.

The swedish forest just so soft after a long cold winter flowers and moss everywhere,I am so happyto be here.All my love

The primal cry of man

I was so touched by these courageous men who sang with me in the mens' workshop,because I know it takes that to get through their resistance of 'what could a woman possibly reveal to me'.
So even to get there can be a challenge.But these men just broke open,mostly.Such beautiful vunerability and utter relief to be able to let the facade go that I am a man a somebody being a something and can just find rest in being totally received by woman,the feminine and so potent when a collective sound pool in all its primal depth with men just letting themselves completely go , for the mother to sing through them .God I must be the most priveledged woman to sit in the presence of these beloved men and receive their deep longing to be held by mother and taken in by the shakti.
It is so evident when a man is not received by his mother because she is closed to her own love an maybe was not wholy loved by her partner....
or when a son is a first born and he goes from being her most unconditional human experience of pure love to her manipuating as he grows as she struggles to hold onto that love that maybe she never found with her man .I just see our responsibility as women to devote ourselves to knowing whole love inside so we stop raising men who cant trust love because we used him for ourselves.
Many great inquires into why women throw their men off by nagging or not being available to love or make love
So dont worry women I assured the men we definately are manipulative when we feel overpowered but are afraid to really speak whats going on inside mostly needing to be listened to without being fixed .
Ah so much shared,loving Norway

In the lushlands and the hell of relationship

Today was a lush day in the Norwegian mountains staying right next to a pounding waterfall with iredecent green forest and ancient talking stones. I have played like a child screaming, naked and newly washed and restored under these lifegiving icecold waterfalls.My daughter would have a fit because your mother is not supposed to be naked she is supposed to have nice normal repactableness like other mothers .I feel so clean and blessed to stay in these mountains in an awesome cabin graciously provided by my dear friends.

Today was a lush day in the Norwegian mountains staying right next to a pounding waterfall with iredecent green forest and ancient talking stones. I have played like a child screaming, naked and newly washed and restored under these lifegiving icecold waterfalls.My daughter would have a fit because your mother is not supposed to be naked she is supposed to have nice normal repactableness like other mothers
.I feel so clean and blessed to stay in these mountains in an awesome cabin graciously provided by my dear friends.

Talking of stones a deep theme of throwing stones at one another has been a constant theme last 24 hours sitting with dear ones in relationship.”you control me and I contract” “you are aggressive so I am defensive”, “You don’t see me”,’You don’t listen to me” ”I cannot feel your love” “I don’t feel love for myself”, Conscious devoted lovers who know the love is there in a deeper place but right now a living hell, no rest just exhaustion from the struggle.
Peru what do you see? The question of 2 who now stuck in the same old cycle. Now I know I have had to suffer through the perfect triggers that attracted me to the man who not only loved me but could also destroy me or destroy all the nasty patterns. Now whether I am destroyed or the patterns depends on surrendering to something deeper than a personal love. The closer you get to the core of the perfectly designed destruction of your mirroring patterns the hotter hell gets.
We get so addicted spending time together because in the beginning it was intoxicating pleasure, couldn’t get enough but once those nasties kick in asserting themselves at any opportunity this type of intoxicating pull becomes a memory of what we once felt and though the juice has dried up into a shrivelled prune ,it still has some life in it but the full nourishing aliveness is gone.Hmmmmmm how to break open this cage .
There is a point where words will no longer serve where once you tried to express your dissatisfaction and he or she listened attentively, considerately now he or she jumps in before the sentence is finished with his or her position.There is a point between 2 lovers when the answer cannot be found in words.For when two minds do battle nobody wins
So where is the answer to this somewhat global condition between man and woman.
There is a place to be reached where silence speaks .But not a silence of aloofness or resignation but silence of meeting yourself inside.If regularly a space in the day I go and be with myself for a time not doing but just being… whatever it is that truly reminds me of who I am then there is space more space within,more harmony where I can meet my partner in that silence.
So when we would normally drop into a superbly reasonable and righteous argument we stop and just meet eyes to eyes in the silence.
When I am in love with myself with the earth with existence how much easier it is to love the other with all his or her imperfections.It is self nourishment that allows me to nourish another.Just 30 mins or 1 hr in a day can change the entire way I relate .
So easy to see when you are not the one burning in the firepit of relationship.My love to all lovers…………………………………………………

Earthwoman calling retreat Amsterdam July 16-18

ocean ,ectsacy and spiritual milk

Such beauty on our journey through the hedgerows of Sommerset and as we crested the hill there she was the jagged ocean cliffs and an old castle beckoning us .Winding the country lanes to find a way to the sea we travelled on foot running through the grassy pathways to keep warm from the wild winds.
We had arrived in rocky nook crafted with smooth stones formed like a grid receiving the waves that were grey, muddy, souplike that threatened to consume you should you offer more than your toes.
Praful happy like a child at the waters edge and me enticed by a cave up on the cliff face.
I climbed in and fell into silence, her primal song pounded the waters below into the rock wall, tumbling large stones creating such a depth such an ectsacy I began to dissolve.Aware of how, many years before as young ambitious woman she had called me the same way with her ancient song.Singing on the rocky waters edge I had fallen into a deep reverence and had felt her calling me, only then I was hungry to hear her to know her but I could not fully feeeel her then.There was a knowing that dropped my forehead to the ground and made me pledge my life, my song to her. Naive and hungry, the world around me felt disconnected and I was tired of singing to an audience that just seemed to want to be entertained . I had played the game long enough. I needed to know how?Who would teach me, could she ,this unamable energy I was connecting with through the waves and the stones how could she teach me.
Deeper and louder pouring inside my being washing ecstatically through my body.... an awareness of "its time to leave this cave sprang in me". Suddenly aware that the waves were lapping higher against the cliff wall Prafuls jacket placed half way up the wall was now wet and his shoes had been sucked into the ocean.Crying out to her to give Praful his shoes back she washed them back to him for surely his shoes were not a tasty addition to this primal soup.

I missed my plane on my way to Norway,just cant seem to stay on top of moving in time , but there was perfection in my delay.I was blessed to share some time in the deep with a dear woman recently discovered with breast cancer.She was afraid of hospitals doctors who she had decided to allow the umps to be removed.So I suggested she see all people doctors nurses as being the loving mother there to serve her back to wholeness and health ,that if she could stay in her love she would draw just the right people who would reflect that love back to her.

It is such a shock for any of us to discover something created by our body is ravaging us.In women it especially rages in her most sensual centers the womb the yoni the breast.A reflection of the rage of using this potent life giving energy that is her creative love to create the insidious industries of business,war. A reflection of how as women we have comprised our essential nature of love for some outside external love because we are so hungry to know it from within but have not been shown how to stay true,be patient instead of settling for something or someone that is not grounded in love. How we use that innocent life force of sexuality to gain esteem,power money.Meanwhile many women grow sick and maybe it is the mother's way of calling her back to the source of herself.

The breast are largely not understood beyond breast feeding and a surface passion to nourish a lover.But this extraordinary creation was fashioned so the spiritual milk /energy of the comos could not only feed a baby on every level but also man thoughout his life .If he could find innocence and holiness as well as raw passion to drink from her breasts regularly her breast would be nourished ,he woud be deeply nourished.We unfortunately get stuck in just the physical image of the breast and its beauty or sexualised image and miss the whole purpose of this magnificient creation. Oh I have raved enough time to go and attempt to catch my flight again, xxxall my love

Are you listening?

I have been treated like a queen ,just done a deep concert as part of a Tantra Retreat here in the south of England.Rolling hills massive old trees pouring with personality in this exquisite retreat center -Croydon Hall.

It was a wonderful concert because there was an audience of couples just in bliss and pouring with the knowing of love ,meditation retreaters introspective and people from the larger community some of whom were closed and tight in their bodies yet somehow we all fell into to the silence together and in the end everybody danced.Such a joy

Then after there is the pack down an hour of leads winding all the stuff you wish you had a roadie for.

The Tantra teacher Sarita very devoted to the true nature of Tantra.

Praful( my musical partner) and I had an inspiration to record a single cd of our new song "here I am beloved" whilst we were in the hot tub .... see what I mean we were spoilt.But of course ife moves in cycles so we are at the moment in riches next moment could be rags ,you never know how life will twist or turn around the next corner so we are just so grateful for a moment of decadence.

Being with Praful on the road I find myself amongst many sanyasins and the presence of Osho the great and decandant Guru of truth and celebration is never far away in fact he was on stage last night with us Praful pulled out a few words spoken by Osho about the fact "you appear to be listening but you dont listen...........because listening needs a tremendous sensitivity .... you should hear from every cell of your body, from yours eyes ,from the souls of your feet from every hair...."Just as he hit the on button on his lap top to play the quote to tenderly weave it in over a pad with his flute my computer and sound crashed..... his computer went into a time warp so Osho was speaking so slowly.In reflection it was just one of those funny moments where Osho was speaking of true listening and there we were distracted sorting out technical chaos just for an instant.

I dont really mind who the speaker of truth is when truth speaks it doesnt matter whos mouth it comes from it is a great blessing and touches me

I just love the paradoxes and learnings that happen on stage such a constant giving into what the moment presents.

Went to sleep with my sweet daughters voice in my ears over the skype phone..I love you mum.

Next leg of the journey is scandanavia, and I love being amongst these people there is such a hunger for the beloved for truth and Norwegian strawberries and swedish forests ahhhh blessed

Loving being here............

The journey of the singing woman

Here I am in rainy cold England ,the woods are lush and full of mystery. Flowers and fresh Garlic and the streams are flowing in an ecstatic spring pleasure and I have been drunk on their fecund gift.Yesterday we found an egg in the base roots of a mossy trunk such a sweet little reminder of new life.Thats whats inspired me to write a blog .Everyday so much to share and I love so many people but I am on the road so much life is passing by and I just want to share my crazy life much more than ever before.

Last night was my women's chant workshop in Glastonbury and I am always reminded in England how repressed and apologetic the women are about their sensuality.

A question arose about the spiritual world and sexuality and the shame of longing for love making ,desire...there is such confusion around the yogi celibacy path in lots of women. There is a sense of shame and guilt about her longing for love and lovemaking. On one level these elightened master Yogis have brought such extraordinary blessings to the earth and on the other hand made a mess for us women.

The Mother creatress didnt make a mistake designing our body this way and the very yoni design is a doorway to liberation, realisation,union and birth.I am so greatful to have this womanly body it is a priveledge to bleed (just finished), to experience this open ecstacy.

I got taught a good lesson the other night in my concert I was joking about becoming a reclusive celibate yogi finding a cosy cave in the himalayas somewhere to spend the rest of my life coz I had already experienced tantric union and Praful(my music partner) jumped in and said "coz she hasnt met anyone who can match her and she's giving up". A dear woman came later from the audience and said she was sad for me that surely there must be some man ....I had really just been silly I wasnt serious at all and assured her I had been matched and loved all the way home to the source. God I have to be careful with what I say even in jest.

My sister Lisa has taken such good care of me here and she has even stuck through our midday sessions of singing together I worked her voice hard and she cried lots as her weak lungs heaved under the pressure of being used deeply,she's driven well into the night between events to get me home ,I am so blessed to have sisters like this I pray she grows well and strong coz she has so much love inside her.

Hmm 2 am bedtime