things that heal

At last a moment to write. I am in the heat of Praful's roof studio sweat lodge, it is at least 30something degrees and the computer has just crashed as we near the end of recording this single 'naked before you beloved'.The time schedule is tight and a day at the beach is not in our reach right now.But the music is feeding us.As we draw closer to the end technology always reflects when we are now pushing oursleves a little too much,but 2 capricorns together thats 4 horns and alot of driving passion to get to the top of the mountain

I just had the most beautiful 3 day retreat with the women.Beautiful stone circle to sing in.I have watched the unfolding of these exquisite women.The unravelling of massive conditioning that says as one sister said in the beginning 'nice girls dont do this...'Something daddy nicely put into her body that has made a mess of her trusting her own sensuality her innocent beauty and expression.Her mouth is tightly closed her mind stuck in all the business of life and her heart aching for love.

I am priveledged to see a woman unravel herself into an openess a sensuality a stillness that is so radiant.I am priveledged to shed many tears with my sisters as the lies rise to the surface of the body ,contorting and twisting and roaring as they are freed from within.I watch in awe as the mother does that unamable thing she does with each one of us.

I am touched when she finds the courage to step in to her self doubt and courageously sing the very unique song of her being.Children do it all the time but when we lose it and it gets covered in shame and not enoughness when she pierces through that doubt I my heart is bursting.

I dont ever get that sense of oh I have done this before for when the moment is naked and vunerable everything is bending near to listen and to respond.I discovered that when I stopped singing for humans and just sang for creation, for the trees the stones ,the birds the water.Creation always responds to that kind of nakedness.

A mother had just miscarried her child and shut her body her heart her whole being was on hold so she could not be fuly present.But when she sang that utter grief from the bottom of belly from the depths of her pain her wailing stirred the wind in such a tender way that it answered her back with the same wailing melody and then went silent again.Such beauty creation is always relating to the true calling of a being.

My health and energy has restored from taking an amazing liquid called MMS not to be mistaken with MSN.If u have the time check this out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGjUp1zoov8&feature=related or download first half of book for free go to www.miraclemineral.org/it has been used to treat Malaria,aids cancer all forms of pathogen,viral yeast,fungal conditions very successfully. The guy who discovered it is truly an honest human who has a remedy that could cure most of Afica ridden with illness but will the pharmecuetical companies let him have an impact. No way................

Check it out for me alot of pain has gone out of my shoulders and my organs feel different.Energy is higher and I feel it killing the Candida in my belly. But it isnt pleasant to take but I have never experienced anything instanatly attacking pathogens in my body.Awesome.

Back to studi computer is humming our tune again

All my love

passion has many faces but all reflect the source

It is the eve of Holland' big moment in the soccer finals and the whole city has turned orange. I mean there are some seriously creative outfits here not just orange t-shirts we are talking orange creature costumes wild hats fluffy orange feather bowers and all sorts.I went to the supremarket and the charge of the anticipation as as myriads of people buy their chips and beers getting ready is filling the air.Already these funny elephant honky horns are sounding in the streets.I was at dinner with my sister Vimal in the town square when the semi final game with Holland and cant remember who but there was so much wild passion pumping in the air whenever a goal was scored 10.000,0000 volts of shakti energy went thru Vimal and I . I mean it was fantastic to see people so alive with so much passion all singing and all dancing.

We are truly a funny race, if this much unified energy was directed toward something of a more creative energy what a powerful creation that would be.We are totally mad.Instead it goes toward football .Not that there is anything wrong with that .So I am joining the celebration by drinking some bright orange carrot juice .... I am supporting holland quietly on the inside.

Beautiful to sit with the women in the Temple of the Body workshop.We were on some exquisite land that had so much love poured into it filled with flowers and trees my sisters parents had consciously been developing these Gardens and land for 16 years.

We created a beautiful space lushed with saris in a tipi in the woods,giving the space to be totally free with opening the body up.The trees celebrating with us .So much doubt and contraction in the heart and breasts and numbness in womb and yoni ..and for those starting to open a real fear of shining in full embodiment for fear of making other women feel lesser than .Fear that there just arent men who are really commited to a deeper way of living in a vital awake love.I can only keep reminding women that how we live, how truely we give and are willing to keep purifying our bodies through deep honesty and intimacy with the earth and ourselves that any man we are with will be directly touched and opened by that.Not by following a spiritual philosophy but by the way we love ourselves and keep our feminine fragrance fresh with our own inner communion.

It is incredible how this refective reality works with our relationship to love.A sister who had suffered abuse and had a deep mistrust of man , a beautiful woman, but man constantly reflected back to her ugliness and using her for sex.Obscenity that is so painful but as she changes her relationship to love within herself and then to man ,a different reality gets reflected back.This is such a journey to come into wholeness and can only unfold with my readiness and thirst for wholeness.I just am touched by the courage of a human being to keep calling for love when the road has been harsh and the experience ugly thank goodness there is an eternal love pulling us home to the source.

Passion flower of the human heart

All my love

wisdom of children

Body is tired but I am inspired.Preparing the new track in the studio today.So much is happening all at once feeling a litte overwhelmed but then holland is one of those paces whee there is so little nature that people are incredibly creative so it is a great place to manifest all your dreams below sea level.
It is funny some of our most beautiful music has come out of Prafuls studio but his house is nestled sweetly between a big furniture store and a supermarket.They have tiny green back garden which is such a space of love if it werent for the heaving trucks cars and moterbikes you could almost think you were in the wild.
My daughter has been so funny too beautiful and challenging.She is in New Mexico, her father is very close to death and she is having great fearful wake ups in the night because she fears being abducted.Now when I was 11yrs aliens were not something you sat in the toilet and read about except maybe comic books.I have endeavoured to keep her in innocence as long as I can knowing childhood is precious but she has a father who is a medicine man and has raised his kids shooting,sword fighting and al manner of altered perspectives on all manner of life past and future.Yes she chose her parents,what a bag a medicine man and me.So at 12,000 miles I am trying to help quiten her mind.She says to me mum I know its my mind but I just cant stop it in the darkness.I said to her it takes quite some years to master your mind and not to give up.So she asks have I mastered mine and I say yes in many areas but not all.She asks what is one area you have not mastered I say self doubt and she syas well I can really understand why you have not mastered that one yet. I just love communicating with my sweetheart she is so real and courageous and honest, I hope she never loses this.I have to rest I havent been to bed before 2 am for ages poor organs need a rest.All my love

gratitude overwhelms exhaustion

After leaving Copenhagen and my phone I have flewn to my other home in Amstredam in Praful and Vimal's beautiful love home today.Praful is wrecked after the tour and it is time for some well earned rest before we hit the studio to make our new single,hereI am Beloved.

It is good to be in one place for a while and Amsterdam is filled with inspired amazing community which has congregated around the Open Up Festival .Awesome Festival for all lovers of truth,lovers of love , good music deep sharing and great for kids.

I was feeling so exhausted after 5 weeks touring this morning and just when I feeling very tender and vunerable. Not an uncommon state too post workshop for all the holding on in woman runs through me post workshop, I have just learnt not to identify with it as athough we are one woman transforming the pain is not mine personally but still when I am tired fromtravel it is not paricuarly comfortable as it passes through my body.

When I am in that state the Mother often sends me a little gift to remind me not to take anything for granted.The gift was a beautiful note from a woman who had been in a deep workshop with me in Stavanger so I thought I would share it for it is not just about my experience of what it is to walk around this Planet as an open woman but what my sisters are opening into too so here it is Thankyou so much Julie......

Here it is

"First of all I would like to say it started at the concert. Your song with the river just took me so deep. I wasnt aware of that your music were able to touch me so deep and take me to a totally new place inside.At the workshop it started when you were taking us in to our bodies. I felt it very clearly how I went down trough my througth..my chest..stomage..And when I came to the womb I met this sharp pain,like a strong contraction and I thought to myself that this I have met a thousand of times before.Feeling sad that it still was there I decided that I would try too breath myself through it.....And then it happened. I felt my birthchannel opening just like when your having a baby and I saw to hands(I think they were my own) receving a golden ball. So I was giving birth to a golden ball...then my mind were telling me that now you have completely lost it:)But I decided that I wanted to see more.....and then I saw this golden ball transform into mother earth...and tears just filled my eyes.I didnt fully understand what was taking place in me at that time and mabye I still dont..but I know that my body never lies and that the days after the workshop had contractions like you have after giving birth. I remembered how it felt when it was there.Actually I have felt like an open cathedral afterwars and much more open in my lovemaking with my man:)So this woman has in some way experienced giving birth to mother earth.....and experienced that my body is the universe:)))That is just sooo beatiful and I am so greatful to you who holds this space for me and all of my sisters:)I hope this will inspire you in your lovely sacred work and I want to share with you what you mirror to us smells like gold."

It is time to rest all my Love and gratitude to life for I have a good bed to sleep in and dear family and my daughter is having a ball in Newmexico going to Pow wows and Rodeos.

Bleeding singing and loving

Travelling from sweden to Copenhagen through towns and forest I have spent the day in deep ecstacy.

To preserve myself I was going to write about something a little less intimate but my calling to transparent honesty asks me to share very direct experience which is extremely vunerable yet I am a foolish woman who cant help but be intimate.

In my preparation for my copenhagen concert I felt that heavy pull of my womb to bleed , and I was totally exhausted but need ing to find reserves,the blessing was all these amazing people arrived to set the concert leaving me free to drop into my now bleeding womb into the blackness inside my body . From that nothingness I reemerged refreshed and tenderly open.However so deep in that I knew I was in the chaos so I dropped a glass of water over and near my laptop forgot my power cable for my computer losing all sound in the 3 rd song which left praful with a long long flute solo whilst I discretely got my adapter and reset my sound but it all happened with grace .Amazing.Always my body bleeds when I have a concert or a workshop as if the very gift of that kind of open vunerability is the mother's orchestration.So I have learnt to surrender even speak of it . It is such a hidden thing when a woman is bleeding she doesnt share it much accept with a sister or 2 and maybe her lover but if we dont start sharing how are thses men ever going to get over being afraid of it or looking negatively at it or perhaps even helplessly.

When I was a young woman I suffered enormous pain for it was the mother's way of reconnecting me to my body to bring me down and out of my mind. I mean it was agony my ligaments got so loose mty hips moved around bringing siatica and strong cramping, but as I learnt to rest and be stiller and sit with the earth the pain lessened.

Now my body celebrates because the opening up of the cervix is so potent that the universe is open in my body the door is open and I fall down into the earth I fall into the blackness inside the womb into this vastness. I see and feel and heal anything that has moved out of balance and alignment in that month. I am so creative with song and I am really quite outside of the world and time so of course giving a concert from that place is raw....but beautiful and potent

But the most intimate thing I want to share is the power of love making in this bleeding.

Now many women are afraid that it hurts or that this is just their time and of course that may be true for a woman too but I just want offer my experience of making love whilst bleeding.

This is a time for total tender listening when the penis meets the frequency of this open ripe plump oozing cervix. Frequency is strong in the meeting so it is a delicate thing that requires the utmost attention but because I am so open inside like the crack or door of the cosmos open then little movement creates enormous opening.For me I trusted the man I was loving or of course he would not be anywhere near me in such vunerability,surrender and breathing that meeting point starts to dissolve the doorway completely so there is no more doorway and no more penis just one black space that he and i fall into.How deep the dissolving depends on whether the mind is engaged or not.Especially in the man.I cant express beyond the dissolving because there is nothing left of me to say except that from there I am reborn.

A new concsious resonanceof love is vitalised in every cell.Such is the experience of make love on my bleed so I am just encouraging this ancient ritual to be reignited in the bedroom of man and woman and if you have had extraordinary experiences please share. Tommorrow a women's workshop in the Dakini Institute in Copenhagen,All my love

Raw longing and trusting love

It has taken a little time digesting before writing again , I have met so many people and met with so much raw longing and the same great fear to love, this constant confused messaging to the beloved (the eternal One).I have been in Angsbacka singles festival over midsummer and full moon.I sat in a space of women where I recognised such dense bodies that the feminine fragrance is almost strangled from lack of self worth, living in the mind,being too masculine or just simply hiding from being seen.Yet when asked the question who is calling for love,most hands went up and who is calling for absolute love almost all hands went up.

Is absolute love possible if I dont know love in myself ... we cycle through being alone .... the challenge is to keep opening deeper and deeper to the inner love instead of getting more closed just because there is no physical beloved.To give ourselves to ourselves to the earth.I madly encourage all those who meditate to go and hold a tree as if it were your lover ... to feel the tree in your body and to give so much tender passion to that tree,to breathe in its unique scent right down into your stomach,to open yourself and see what happens.Now I heard a fact in the festival that women in Austria were arrested for making love to trees from 1896 on.

How to really connect with your love and loving through nature is one of the best kept secrets,but I assure you that the deeper connected you are to nature the greater the love when you actually make love with a human body. Are you are willing to totally love no matter what it costs you.

Love costs you everything it is the surest way to self annihalation and I am so greatful it happened to me.

We performed a ceremony which was sweet as a symbolic ceremony of the lingham and the yoni coming together in union but that still felt like something outside.The greatest ceremony on this earth is when the bodies meet in stillness and touch so that touch goes all the way through the flesh to the being.Beautifully the festival concluded with a tender ceremony of touch not sexual but deeply lovingly tender encouraging the body to trust love for the mind cannot be convinced or coerced.

Beautiful beautiful concert with such an open ecstatic audience, Praful wanted to kill me at the end because I forgot the chords to his gorgeous song so I have to work on that one.

The swedish forest just so soft after a long cold winter flowers and moss everywhere,I am so happyto be here.All my love